Jason Hietbrink

The Scales: Why You’re Exhausted & Anxious

The Scales: Why You’re Exhausted & Anxious

This article is a little longer than most, but I truly believe it has the power to change your life.

For most of my life, the #1 fear I’ve wrested with has been “am I enough?” There are many events throughout my life that led this being the question that dominates my subconscious but the underlying belief has been “I am not enough and I need to prove that I am.”

 

While not everyone can relate to this belief, my experience has been that high performers often can. On the outside we look confident, strong, determined, unstoppable, and accomplished.

 

But inside, we often wrestle with doubt and fear of being an imposter. We can’t shake this fear that deep down we’re not enough and one day everyone is going to find out.

 

Not sure if that’s you? Try this on for size…

 

I want you to think of someone you really respect describing you to someone they know. Imagine overhearing them say something like this: “Tom? Oh yeah, he’s VERY average. Pretty mediocre. Nothing special, just your normal, average performer.”

 

If that makes your skin crawl; the idea that someone would think of you as just “average”, then there’s no question you wrestle with this. 😊

 

Whether we know it or not, much of what’s driving our insatiable desire for growth, success and achievement is this underlying need to prove and demonstrate to ourselves and everyone else that we indeed ARE enough.

Living Life on the “Scales of Validation”

In a sense, our lives are most consistently lived on the scales of validation. Every day is a new opportunity where we must once again PROVE that we matter, that we are successful, that we are enough. And the results of the day, the opinions of others, and the feedback we receive all serve as evidence for or against us.

 

And if we’re not careful our self-worth become the center of our business relationships, our marriages, our parenting, and our friendships. Because the reality is we desperately need validation from each of these different groups of people to boost and maintain our significance.

 

It’s a big reason why we get discouraged when a client is upset with us, a deal doesn’t come through, our kids misbehave or don’t appreciate us, our friends don’t like our posts on social media, or our marriage is a bit rocky at the moment.

 

Seeking validation for ourselves leads to anxiety, fear and exhaustion because every day becomes about how much we’ve been validated or invalidated as a leader, as a professional, as a parent, as a spouse, as a friend etc…

 

And even if you had a GREAT day FULL of validation, there’s always the anxiety of tomorrow and what the scales will say about you then.

 

Seeking vs. Serving

What we’re doing is seeking to preserve our sense of self-worth. When we’re not enough, we’re deficient. When we’re deficient, we must seek sufficiency elsewhere (namely from others and the results of our efforts).

 

That’s why you’re exhausted. You’re SEEKING. Constantly.

 

Seeking to be validated, seeking to be filled up, seeking to be approved, seeking to be ENOUGH.

 

And no matter how much you seek to fill your need for validation, you’ll never be full… at least not for long.

 

BUT…

 

What if we didn’t have to look to other people or to our results to validate ourselves and to prove that we matter and that we are important? What would happen?

 

If you were free from having to seek out validation from others, you’d be free to SERVE them.

 

You’re already filled up and no longer are seeking others to fill you up. You’re able to come from a place of overflow rather than a place of deficiency. And now YOU can fill others’ up!

 

So how do we do this?

 

Securing Your Identity and Worth

Those of you who know me well know what I believe about where our worth and value truly come from. I believe each of us has been created by God on purpose, for a purpose.

 

I believe that each of us have intrinsic value simply because God created us. And that our identity and worth don’t come from our performance, from our achievements, from the validation of others, or from how we compare.

 

And that’s freeing because there’s nothing for me to prove, nothing for me to earn, nothing for me to defend. I simply need to receive what’s ALREADY true about who I am!

 

Let me encourage you with this…

 

Your significance comes from who God says you are. “Stop trying to prove you’re enough and simply embrace that you are.”

 

I still wrestle with this. All the time. But that doesn’t make it any less true.

 

The battle is not trying to fight in an effort to obtain our worth. The battle is choosing to rest in the fact that we already have it.

 

The Courage to Change Your “Way of Being” in the World

However, there is a fear I’ve often seen high performers wrestle with when we reach this point in the conversation.

 

 “If I take away the gasoline (the need to prove I’m enough) that’s fueled the fire of my success up to this point in my life, I won’t have anything that’s driving me anymore!”

 

That statement could not be more untrue.

 

You are who you are. You have a drive inside of you to achieve great things. The problem is not your internal drive to achieve, it’s the MOTIVATION behind that drive for achievement.

 

I’m not saying you get rid of the motivation to achieve; I’m saying we need to REPLACE IT with something better.

 

We can have a lot of success operating from a place of deficiency and fear but there is another level of performance we can reach through operating from a place of being enough and having enough.

 

Ask yourself this question: “under which circumstances do I think I’d perform better? When I’m operating from a place of deficiency or from a place of sufficiency?”

 

What if the ONLY thing holding you back from reaching the next level of success in all areas of your life right now is the commitment to living life on the scales of validation?

 

Isn’t it time you stepped off the scales of validation in your life, let go of the exhaustion and anxiety it’s causing, and rested in what’s already true of you?

 

I promise, replacing that cheap fuel you’ve been using to drive yourself forward with something far better will only allow you to get to where you’re going faster!

 

How This Transforms Results in Your Business

How freeing would it be for you to be motivated and driven by something BIGGER and more enduring than addressing your insecurities or attempting to fill a deficiency you feel like you have?

 

What would happen if your work and your relationships were centered around seeking to GIVE to the world rather than attempting to prove something about yourself?

 

I’ll tell you exactly what would happen.

 

When you approach each day, each interaction, each problem, each obstacle through this vantage point, it changes everything.

 

It creates a level of peace throughout the day rather than a place of anxious exhaustion.

 

Your creativity increases.

Your ability to problem-solve increases.

You significantly reduce the amount of time you spend in sales lulls.

Your team becomes more productive and energized.

You have more freedom and space in your week with less pressure and weight on your shoulders.

You become a MAGNET that others are drawn to and want to do business with because you’re providing them something that VERY FEW PEOPLE are: authentic, genuine, powerful service.

Step 3

Level Up

If we decide to move forward into a coaching relationship, Together, we’ll create a custom coaching plan to help you reach your goals in your business and your life. 

Step 2

Schedule a Breakthrough Session

We’ll do a free, 90-minute coaching call to define your goals, set a vision for the future, and deepen your commitment to that vision.